Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
