Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize