it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
