Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
