i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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