I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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