No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i now understand why vodka
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
