why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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