I wanna passion pit in your ass
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
