So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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