The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
