I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize