I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
