i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
