He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
