kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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