if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
