Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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