I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
