i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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