So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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