You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
