sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
