You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
