hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
