Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize