ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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