The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
