One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
