Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize