if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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