and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
