You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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