i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
