so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
