And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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