On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
