no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
