I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
