once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We need to get me chipped asap
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize