She announced her abortion via fbk
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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