Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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