I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
