I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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