Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
