I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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