Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
