It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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