I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
