You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
