It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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