I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
