im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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