Plan B is the new Plan A
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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