Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
