So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
