standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize