I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
