I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
