Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
