She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
