So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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