is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
