the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
