dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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