So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
