that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
