omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
