how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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