Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize