I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
