Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
