Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
