Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
