So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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