im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
