I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
