i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
