guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
