you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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