Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Damn victory sex feels great
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
