Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
