i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
