I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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