I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize