I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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