Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I would ride that face into the sunset
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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