I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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