Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
