He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
