weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize