He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
