I wanna bring you to show and tell
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
