As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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