he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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