You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
