$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
