Nicole vs. Life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
