Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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